Although the First Generation that grew up glued to the tube might cite all six of the Three Stooges - Larry, Moe, Curly, Shemp, Joe Besser, and Joe De Rita - as the top comic group of all time, scholars of American culture would probably defer to the Marx Brothers.

Although there were five brothers in all it was the Big Three - Harpo (Arthur), Chico (Leonard), and Groucho (Julius) - that dominated the stage and later the screen. Harpo was the one with the curly blond wig and who never spoke and Chico - pronounced CHICK-oh - was the skirt chasing Italian with the Tyrolean hat. Groucho, of course, was the wisecracking weisenhimer with the upwardly mobile eyebrows.

The other two Marxes were Gummo (Milton) and Zeppo (Herbert). Neither particularly liked performing and later they entered into various business ventures. Ultimately they become successful theatrical agents representing a number of big stars and writers.

But Groucho is by far the most renown of the Marxes. His performing longevity was possible because he was able to successfully navigate his career past the famous movies. By the 1940's the brothers had decided to end their films and in 1947 Groucho began hosting a radio quiz program called You Bet Your Life. In 1950 the show moved into television where Groucho replaced his grease-paint mustache with a real one.

Naturally he kept up his wisecracks with the contestants. Once Nicky Stewart, the manager of jazz violinist Joe Venuti, was on the show. Groucho got him talking about what it was like managing a famous performer. First of all Nicky said you had to act in a fiduciary manner. Groucho asked what that meant.

"It means," Nicky said, "you must be honest with your client and you must not scheme for your own personal gains at any time."

"Well, how do you make a living?" Groucho asked.

Groucho then asked about some practices a less than honest manager might indulge in.

Well, Nicky said, a manager or booking agent could put in an expense claim that he spent $500 on "entertainment" when he really spent only $50 paying for dinner. This was called "tabbing", Nicky said, but he had never done it.

"I'm sure you've never swindled a client," Groucho said, then after a pause added, "But it's pretty obvious you've given it some serious thought."

Of course, a lot of Groucho's most famous quotes were really from the characters he played. Perhaps his most famous joke was:

Captain Jeffrey      Spaulding:   (Groucho)	One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know. (Animal Crackers, 1930)

Then there's the Groucho bon mot.

Otis B. Driftwood:   (Groucho)	When I invite a woman to dinner I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay. (A Night at the Opera, 1935)

And yet another:

Rufus T. Firefly:   (Groucho)	Don't look now, but there's one man too many in this room, and I think it's you. (Duck Soup, 1933)

However, if they aren't from the movies or a recorded television show, Groucho's ripostes can be difficult to verify and it's hard to tell if we're hearing a faux Grouchoism or not. For instance another often cited quote is:

I must say I find television very educating. The minute somebody turns it on, I go another room and read a book.

This has been listed as one of Groucho's authentic quotes but in the tellings there is often slight variations in the wording. Certainly it has all the hallmark of a great - albeit apocryphal - Grouchoism.

Happily, in this case, this isn't what Groucho said, but what he wrote - and it can be traced. In September 1950, Groucho wrote an article titled "King Leer" for Tele-Views which was an early prototype of TV Guide. And he did indeed begin the article with:

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go into the library and read a good book.

But by far the most famous of Groucho's epigrammatical witticism is also the most controversial and the one whose authenticity is the most debated. This was the famous banter between Groucho and a woman with ten (or eleven or twelve or even seventeen) children on You Bet Your Life.

Typically the telling runs something like:

Groucho:	Are you married?
Contestant:	Yes?
Groucho:	Any children?
Contestant:	Eleven.
Groucho:	Eleven children? Why do you have so many kids?
Contestant:	I love my husband.
Groucho:	I love my cigar, too, but I take it out once in a while.

Groucho himself denied he ever made the quote, no one associated with the show remembers him saying it, and it hasn't shown up in any of the tapes of the show, not even outtakes. That would seem to settle the question of its (non)authenticity.

However, there is, though, a - quote - "recording" - unquote - of Groucho's comment. It was featured on a series of "blooper" albums, which was supposedly a direct recording of the show.

But here, we learn the contestant was not a woman.

Groucho:	Why do you have so many children?
Male Contestant:	Because I like my wife.
Groucho:	I like my cigar, too, but I take it out sometimes.

However, students of the famous Blooper series know that some of the recordings were actually re-enactments by voice actors. Sometimes on different albums you will find more than one version of the - quote - "authentic recording" - unquote - of the same supposed episode. As far as this "blooper" being a recording of Groucho, even the fledgling of Marx Brother fans will recognize this is clearly a re-enactment and by a not very skilled impressionist.¹

But what likely cemented the quote into the American Collective Consciousness is that it was featured in Groucho: A Life in Review. This was a play about Groucho's life written by Groucho's son Arthur and his co-author Robert Fisher. It was also broadcast on television in 2001 starring Frank Ferrante as Groucho.

It is natural to assume that the play was drawn from events and quotes of Groucho's life. Sure enough, in one scene Groucho is hosting You Bet Your Life.

Groucho:	Welcome to You Bet Your Life. Say the secret word and divide an extra hundred dollars. It's a common word, something you see every day.

Chico Marx walks on with a young lady and they take their places before the microphones.

Groucho:	You know, I used to work with a fellow who looked exactly like you. His name was Chico Marx.
Chico:	I'm-a Chico Marx.

After some typical Groucho/Chico banter, Groucho turns to the young lady.

Groucho:	Now, lovely young lady, what's your name?
Lady Contestant:	Catherine Dubois, Groucho.

As always Groucho is able to flummox the lady with his word scrambling. But then he gets on to details of her family.

Groucho:	So you're married. Do you have any children?
Catherine:	Yes, Groucho, I have twelve children.
Groucho:	Twelve children! That's quite a habit your husband has.
Catherine:	Well, everybody has habits. You have that silly cigar of yours.
Groucho:	Yes, but I take it out once in a while.

Now there are many of the old but high quality tapes of You Bet Your Life, a rare occurrence for early quiz programs which were usually broadcast live. But knowing Groucho's skill at ad-libs, the producers made sure that You Bet Your Life was always put on tape first. By the end of the program there was tape enough for an hour but the editors would then cut the show down to 30 minutes. That way they would be sure to omit any comments - and sometimes they were from the contestants - that would not pass muster with the network powers that were.

One thing that has been forgotten in today's anything-goes television culture is that in the 1950's or 1960's the famous "cigar comment" would never have been broadcast. If the exchange reported in Groucho: A Life in Revue had been made, the editors would have made sure it ended on the cutting room floor.

As far as the scene being created from a real broadcast, it is true that Chico did appear on You Bet Your Life and a total of three times. But in one show he was just sitting uncredited in the audience. In the others he was in commercials. Chico Marx never appeared as a contestant.

Then there's the consideration that in over 200 shows broadcast from 1950 to 1961, there is no listing of a contestant named Catherine Dubois. So given that in the skit of You Bet Your Life in Groucho: A Life in Revue we have two contestants that never appeared on the show, it's hard to accept that the scene is anything other than a fictionalization and was not meant to be taken as a verbatim transcript.

Finally actor Les Marsden has recently left us some new and authoritative testimony into the quote and its authenticity. Les in fact has starred in a number of plays about the Marx Brothers and he appeared as both Harpo and Chico in the premiere tour of Groucho: A Life in Revue.

So it comes as no surprise that Les personally knew Arthur Marx. Les said that Arthur told him the cigar quote never happened but it was such a good story that he included it in the play. Interestingly Les's comments were in an article which also included comments from people who said they had seen the show where Groucho made the quip. However, there was disagreement on the details of the clip even regarding the gender and nationality of the contestant.

Interesting some of the viewers claimed to have seen the program long after the series ended. Of course, this would have only have been possible if the cigar comment was preserved on an old tape. But since over a hundred hours of the show's tapes have been released for home viewing - including outtakes that were considered too spicy for broadcast - then all the copies of the "cigar clip" would somehow have to exist in the decades immediately following the show's end in 1961 but then that one episode suddenly vanished and no one can find it for distribution today.²

All right. So what did Groucho say, if anything? Certainly on You Bet Your Life Groucho made comments about families with lots of children. And yes, there was one time Groucho made a comment that was close to the famous quote but - shall we say it? - it was close but no cigar.

On one show the contestant was a woman who had ten children. Groucho asked her husband's occupation, and she replied he was an oxygen salesman who catered to businesses requiring specialty gases.

Groucho:	How is the oxygen business?
Lady Contestant:	Well, it keeps him pretty busy. He's on call 24 hours a day.
Groucho:	He's on call 24 hours, and you have ten children?
Lady Contestant:	He does come home between calls.
Groucho (speaking to the audience):	Can you imagine what it would be like if he worked at home?

Although the clip of this episode was recorded (and later released on a collection of outtakes), it was not broadcast during the show's run. Those were, after all, different times.

References and Further Reading

The Marx Brothers: Their World of Comedy, Allen Eyles, A. S. Barnes and Company, 1969.

"King Leer", Grouch Marx, Stefan Danfer (editor), The Essential Groucho, Knopf Doubleday, 2000, p. 207.

The Marx Brothers Encyclopedia, Glenn Mitchel, B. T. Batsford Ltd., 1999.

The Marx Brothers Scrapbook, Groucho Marx and Richard Anobile, Darien House, 1973.

"What Did Groucho Marx Do When Someone Switched On a Television?", Quote Investigator, January 18, 2014.

Life with Groucho, Arthur Marx, Simon and Schuster, 1954.

Groucho: A Life in Review, Arthur Marx and Robert Fisher, Samuel French, Inc., 1981.

Harpo Speaks!, Arthur "Harpo" Marx and Rowland Barber, Avon Books, 1961.

"The Marx Brothers: Inside the Comedians' Early Life and Travels", Biography.

You Bet Your Life: The Best Episodes, Shout Factory, 2004.

"'You Bet Your Life: The Best Episodes'", Bob Mondello, National Public Radio, September 17, 2004.

You Bet Your Life: 1950-1961, Internet Movie Data Base.

100 Super Duper Bloopers, Kermit Schaefer (Producer and Editor), K-Tel, 1977.

What Time is the Next Swan?, Walter Slezak, Doubleday, 1962.

"The Secret Words: Rumor Has It That Groucho Marx Made a Risqué Wisecrack About His Cigar To a Female 'You Bet Your Life' Contestant with 17 children", David Mikkelson, Snopes, February 15, 2001.

"Did Groucho Marx Really Say It - The Cigar Quip", Eddie Deezen, Today I Found Out, August 7, 2013.

"Scientists Trace Memories of Things That Never Happened", James Gorman, The New York Times, July 25, 2013.

"What Happens in the Brain When We Misremember", Simon Makin, Scientific American, September 9, 2016.

"Les Marsden Biography", Film Reference.