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Phill Jupitus and the Story of Heinz
Phill Jupitus
"Black Pepper, Sir?"
Once during the brouhaha so common on Qi, Stephen brought up the story of a Cambridge student named Heinz. "Heinz", it seems, was just a nickname but no one called him anything else. Finally Stephen asked a friend why everyone called the fellow "Heinz". The answer is not what you would think.
Well, it seems that once someone had burst into Heinz's room without knocking, and Heinz had - to use Stephen's words - "a mound of baked beans all over his knob, and he was wanking in it." The nickname seemed obvious, and the name stuck.
As you can guess, this story set off a lot of commentary from the other panelists. Phill wondered, "What kind of culinary accident do you have to have to discover the pleasure of the beans?"
"He spilled it in his lap," Alan hypothesized. "[as] he just sat down to watch the telly."
Phill also said that he used to put hot cheese on the top of his beans.
"Is 'beans' an euphemism in this case?" Alan asked.
But Phill's greatest concern seemed to be about the protocol and expected etiquette.
"What do you say in that situation?" Phill asked. Then with appropriate pantomime, "'Black pepper, sir?'".
But as with all of the digressions on Qi, Stephen eventually called the panel to order, and the great debate about Heinz and the beans was concluded.
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